I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You don't make any sense
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