just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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