Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
