considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
