You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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