my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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