ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Randomize
