Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
no you cant smoke seaweed
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
