im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
