I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He did a backflip because drugs
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