Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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