pop tarts are not kleenex
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
