Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
