i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize