I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
