Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
