I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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