Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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