I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
