we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
