I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
