Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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