I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
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