don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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