She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
