3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
