She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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