This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
