Nicole vs. Life
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
this hospital has no fireball
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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