What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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