My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Randomize
