Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize