4 words: hood of his car
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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