I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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