ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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