OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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