Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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