Got a toothbrush?
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
