Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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