yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
