I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
