He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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