I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
