You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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