At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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