So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize