He asked to "fluff my boner.."
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
