Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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