I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
