You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
