So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
