Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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