I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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