I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
please come you make the beer taste better
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
