Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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