I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
