I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
