Umm I'm too high to move.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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