This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
