why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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