He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
