In the future we'll all be gay
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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