So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
