Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
