No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
