How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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