she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
