Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
