he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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