Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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