GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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