i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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