I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
