My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
