I hate your face
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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