I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
honey bunches of taint.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
