I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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