I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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