so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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