Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize