he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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