What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
